MAN AND WOMEN - Difference - Funny Facts?

The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women  

1.        Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.   

2.       That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.   

3.       Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1). 

4.       Five Minutes - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)

5.       Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.  

6.       Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)   

7.       Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)   

8.       Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

Differences Between Man and Women

Money

A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.

A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

Bathrooms

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.

The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

Arguments

Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats

Women love cats.

Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.

Future

A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

Success

A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.

A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

Marriage

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Dressing Up

A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE for WITHDRAW MONEY A new signboard in the Bank entrance as follows: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.' ************ ********* ********* * MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off.  FEMALE PROCEDURE:  1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the                   machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine... 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8.. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt.. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check registerand place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided! 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on mobile phone.. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.  Did you agree that most of this part is the Truth? Jeba